


Numb | George Weasley

by mccngazer



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Drug Use, Hallucinations, M/M, Muggle London, Post-Battle of Hogwarts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-10
Updated: 2021-02-09
Packaged: 2021-03-15 21:54:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29321235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mccngazer/pseuds/mccngazer
Summary: He needed something. To feel something. And he was that something.Trigger Warnings:This book will contain drug and alcohol abuse. This will be a darker story than a love story. Warnings will be added as the book is wrote.
Relationships: George Weasley & Original Character(s), George Weasley & Original Male Character(s), George Weasley/Original Character(s), George Weasley/Original Male Character(s)
Kudos: 6





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own or claim anything from Harry Potter. I only own Xaiver Summers and the characters that are no within the series!

I thought  
I was healing  
but the truth is  
I stopped feeling

-c.c.aurel

**Cast List**

(You can imagine who you please, but this just helps me write)

_"We don't care why you are here. We just care about the memories we are going to make while you are."_

_"The Broken"_ **  
**

**Oliver Phelps as George Weasley**

**( He/him )**

_"The Numb"_

**? as Xavier Summers**

**( He/him )**

_"The Used"_

**Sydney Sweeney as Staci**

**(** **She/Her )**

_"The Abandoned"_

**Zoe Kravtiz as Magnolia 'Maggie'**

**( They/Them )**

_"The Beaten"_ **  
**

**Cameron Monaghan as Leo**

**( He/him )**


	2. zero

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mama said that the sun gonna shine   
> But mama don't know what it's like to want to die  
> I Can't Carry This Anymore by Anson Seabra
> 
> tw: suicide thoughts, family death, and depression

He watched as his family moved on. He saw them leave the house and come back. He saw them laugh and tumble over each other. The small quidditch games they'd scrimmage. He saw them leave for their last year of Hogwarts and then Harry and Ron leave for Auror training. He watched as his father went back to work and could hear his mother as she started back into her normal routines.

The feeling of emptiness was overwhelming for George. He would wake up in a short haze and feel like everything is normal, but when reality sets in everything crashes. It's always shock that comes in first. His chest tightens and then his throat. It feels like there is a scream that is trying to come out, but no matter how much he strains no sound will come out.

Then its the sadness. This last longer than the shock. The tightness fades but still sits there threatening him. The pressure in his chest holds him down in his bed; having him lay there not moving. Any part of him that wanted to move was being held down trapped in his own thoughts. He couldn't close his eyes and sleep it away without hearing the tumbling of the wall and the scream from his brother. He couldn't let himself think of anything else without feeling Percy's arms holding him back from running towards his brother who was already long gone from impact. 

After that is the self-hatred. The survivor guilt. The thoughts of how it should of been him under that wall. That Fred deserved to live the life he always had planned, because without him George was nothing. Fred was the creator. The outgoing part of him that kept his gears running. Fred wouldn't be laying in bed day after day. Fred wouldn't be wasting his youth. He would of mourned and then continue his life in honor of his lost twin. But George wasn't Fred and that's why it should of been him. 

_With time he'll heal._

That's what the Mind Healer told his parents outside his door after the first check up, but that was five months ago. And the weekly visits from the Healer slowly came to a stop once they realized he was no longer going to respond. 

"It will be easier if you talk to someone." they said.

"I can't understand what you are going through, but I wish you would help me help you." they said.

"You are not alone. George." That was the last thing they said to him.

But he was. He was the most alone he had ever been in his life. The empty bed next to him was proof of that. The untouched bed was just as it had been a year ago. No one had the courage to make it or clean off the old papers. When someone would come in to sit with in they chose either the desk chair or the floor; never the bed. 

His mother would come in and stare at it with clean linens. She probably had the intention to change it but never made it in the room. His father would wake pass and just stare at it like he had something to say, but change his mind last minute. 

George had a lot to say, but no strength too. The pressure was still there and the lump in his throat ever so presence. He felt so _numb_ , yet was in the most pain. He felt paralyzed in time. The memories and the emotions just coursed through him as though they were embedded in his DNA. 

The only thing that had eased was the night terrors or maybe he just grew accustomed to them. The first week he couldn't even sleep. Just sat in a chair in front of the fireplace like a zombie. He could noises and people, but couldn't make out what they were saying. Just heard his own scream that echoed in his own head. George couldn't remember how he even got back to the Burrow. 

When he did finally sleep, he didn't for long. The cold sweat was the first thing he noticed before he took in the arms around him. And then he heard it. His own blood-retching scream that came out of his mouth. The burning in his throat and the ringing in his ear hurt, but it nothing compared to the nightmare he woke up from. 

"It's going George. I'm here." The soothing voice of his mother seeped past his own scream and it was enough to break whatever trance he was in to stop. Both of her hands were cupped his face as they wiped the tears that fell. The ones he didn't even know he had. 

His response was just a mumble of things. He apologized and begged for her to forgive him. He was suppose to look out for his twin. They always promised her that they would do that. Then apologized for waking her which she cried too. Then came another apology for making her cry.

"It's not your fault baby." She would coo into his ear as she pulled him into her lap like a toddler. His long, lanky body hanged off onto his bed, but she still held him close no matter how heavy he was. "You did everything you possibly could. He died a hero, as he always would." 

Her words were answered with another sob. His body racked against her own as she held her broken son. She held him with fear because even though she was holding her son, when she looked into his eyes. He was gone. Gone with his brother

_And even though the idea of a tomorrow scared him, George feared death too much to try to join him._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spotify playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1XRqUDxkffAT0zCFUc3jF9?si=4PFRkGCvQyijC0Wo5ZA7CQ


	3. un

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day that they took you  
> I wish it was me instead  
> \- Two of us by Louis Tomlinson
> 
> tw: depression

Just below him his family held a meeting. The Weasley's grew more and more concerned as the days go by about George's state. 

"It's been a year Arthur! You have to guide him to take a shower." Molly voice broke midsentence. "He can barely walk." 

"Molly dear he just needs time." Arthur reasoned. The words _that time will heal_ chanted through his head as if it was a magically phrase that could fix his son. 

"But he will lose everything, they worked for." The shop was still as successful, but the products they had made ran thin and Hermione could only replicate some of the products. "He can't lose that too."

The sound of his heartbroken wife made Arthur feel useless. All he wanted was to take it away. The pain, the sorrow, and most of all the loss. He wanted to wish it away and see the beautiful smile. The same one that caused the wrinkles that now stayed present on her face. But now he couldn't even describe what took the brightening smile place. It was grim, unwelcoming and it hurt. 

It hurt Arthur, because he should of been there for his children. It hurt, because he should of stepped up and protected them. He fought for his children and their future, but he should of fought with them. Then maybe just maybe he could see that beautiful smile again. 

Arthur knew she was right. He needed to get his son out of his room and back to what he does best. But how can he get his son to make someone laugh, when he hasn't heard him laugh in a year. 

The knock on the door did nothing to George. He sat at the edge of his bed and faced the window as he watched the December snow touch the ground. The bed sinking did nothing but make sit slouched from the weight. 

"You missed Christmas dinner last night." The deafening silence that followed gave Arthur enough time to look over his son's appearance. The once built scrawny teen was now just scrawny. All the muscles from the years of Quidditch was gone. His freckles faded from the lack of sunlight and his hair fell onto his shoulders just covering his eyes.

He looked ill and the thought itself made Arthur's heart clench. 

"Ron asked Hermione to marry him." Silence. "You should of seen him. His face was red as his hair and stuttered like crazy." Nothing. Not even a small smile. Arthur nodded to himself. He knew that getting him to laugh nonetheless smile would be hard. 

"I love you son."

It had been a couple of days since then and Ron was the next one to try. He started to ramble of Auror training and how Harry gotten him stuck in some kind of glue that Ron thought could be transformed into a prank.

But nothing. However on the inside George's hear swelled a little. The thought of his little brother thinking about pranks while he did his job meant something to him. _Fred would be proud._

Because that's all they wanted. The twins never allowed Ron to join because they saw something he didn't. When no one looked their little brother showed so much potential. Something Percy couldn't even meet. He could hear Fred's snide comments that would tear down their little brother's idea. But he also knew that as soon as Ron would leave they'd be working on that same project. _If only._

Percy didn't even try to step into the room. He hadn't since they had came back from the battle. Instead he sat in between the threshold back against the frame, feet against the other side. 

"I'm sorry Georgie." He always started off. "I should of been easier on you two. I should of listened to you when you would say I had a stuck up my arse. Then maybe just maybe I could been a second earlier." The older brother wept silently at the door and George did too. He wept for the loss of his brother and the potential that the three of them could of had. 

Bill and Charlie came together. The two practical irrespirable after the War. The only time would be when the other had to work. They were probably the only ones to understand the bond that Fred and George had. The two eldest grew up attached to the hip and did everything together. 

They sat one on each side of him and just stayed silent. They knew nothing that they could say could help with what he was feeling. They knew that whatever he felt, he would need to handle himself. Because it wasn't like the time the pet cat died or when their fish died. You couldn't replace this with something else. 

Ginny came. A month had past of the Weasley attempting to help their brother. Everyone but Ginny. She sat on his floor at his feet and played with the loose shoe string on her shoes. Ginny did this for the past three days. Just sat as George stared into the distance.

She wondered where he went when he did that. Was it somewhere better? Was it helping? Her first Harpies game was coming up and she wanted him to come. She wanted him face painted and with some obnoxious sign that would have her cheeks blush from embarrassment. Most of all she wanted to see how proud he was, when she flew around the cheering stands as they chanted her name. She wanted her brother back. 

She breathed in one deep last time before she raised her eyes up. The breathe caught George's attention and he looked down locking in eye contact. It was then when Ginny knew that he didn't go anywhere when he spaced out. That he just simply stared until the pain subsided enough for him to fall asleep. She stared into his dark empty eyes and broke. 

The first sob came quick and quiet before she fell apart. She felt the familiar feeling when her heart starting to seize and her shoulders started to shake. Her red hair fell as it framed her face as she buried her head into her knees catching any loose tears. 

She heard the bed creak and two very familiar yet foreign arms wrap around her. In an instant she unwrapped hers from her knees and around him. Her head buried now into his collarbone as she wept. Ginny felt the light kisses of comfort on the top of her head, just like he use to when she got hurt. 

_"Please George I want my brother back."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spotify Playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1XRqUDxkffAT0zCFUc3jF9?si=ThfIfCjRQ1-QIN23ay4A5g


	4. deux

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I lost a friend  
> I lost my mind  
> And nobody believes me  
> -I Lost A Friend by FINNEAS
> 
> tw: depression and suicidal thoughts

He didn't sleep that night. He couldn't because now he not only saw the wall crumbling down, but his sister's cries. It was instinct as he moved to the floor to comfort her. At that moment, he had forgotten he had lost his twin and concentrated on wanting to see his sister's smile. The bright, wide one she would get whenever she laughed too hard.

The ginger flipped a card around his fingers. Weaving it in and out as he thought back to it and how his first thought was to grab a deck of Exploding Snaps. Now the idea seemed absurd. His sister had been crying over the loss of her brother and the fear of losing another one and George had grabbed a card game. But it worked.

The two sat cross-legged in front of each other until light from the moon faded behind some clouds and her eyes could no longer stay open. It was the most he had done in a year.

His legs wobbled as he gripped the railing. It was only one floor he had to climb down, but his legs felt like Jell-O. They were out of practiced; his body remember what it was like to walk, but his muscle didn't have to strength too.

It was a day after Ginny and him cried together. It was after her begging for him when he realized how angry Fred would be to see that he made their little sister cry. That morning the pressure against him eased up and he was able to stand, but he still couldn't walk very well.

It was a crash of a plate that caught the house's attention. His mother stood rag in hand and a broken plate below her feet as she stared at George. He never seen her wash dishes by hand before. His eyes scanned the room as he still gripped the railing to hold him up. His eyes were looking for something. He saw the shock look of his brothers and his father who looked like he was about to join his mother crying. However once his eyes landed on Ginny it was her smile that gave him the strength to make it down the stairs. It was a small smile, one she would give when they planned a prank together. A smile that held a secret behind it.

Once he made it down the stairs Charlie was quick to grasp onto his brother's arm. George didn't know when his brother got to the bottom of the stairs, but he was grateful.

He was lead into the kitchen where his mother just finished up breakfast.

"Just in time dear." Her voice waivered as she tried to act as normal as possible, but Molly had to fight back the side of her that just wanted to hug him. "The biscuits are the only thing we are waiting on."

He felt like an outsider in his own home. George could practically feel the eggshells that they walked on around him. He could sense the fear that one wrong word or move could lead him back into his bed. And he wanted too. He wanted to go back and crawl into his personal cave and stay.

_I need my brother back._

The words haunted him. They haunted him, because he didn't want to be the cause of the pain that etched into each word. George didn't want to know that he was the reason why they cried over loosing two brothers instead of one. Two children instead of one. Because even though he wanted to go. He didn't want to leave them with more pain.

Ginny sat to his right and under the table she gave his hand a squeeze. It was just enough for him to look up from the empty table setting. He didn't dare to look to his right. George didn't want to look at the empty seat. He could feel it coming back. The pressure against his chest. The tightness that makes him glued to his bed.

"Itz very nice to see you George." The light French accent echoed against the silent house. Fleur was never able to get close to the Weasley family before the war, but her time at Hogwarts was enough for her to know about the Infamous Twins. She was about five months pregnant and the blonde felt a pull towards the once hilarious male.

Another squeeze came from Ginny for encouragement as George lifted his head up into a nod. He didn't remember anyone telling him that she was pregnant. Maybe Bill did when he came to visit?

"Would you like to feel ze baby kick?" He could feel the pull of her Veela powers trying to capture his attention. Before it would of worked, the once young carefree boy would of jumped to her attention, but now nothing.

"It's really cool you know? Thought I'd be creeped out feeling something kick like that, but it was cool." Ron added in.

Slowly he was becoming overwhelmed. George started to think back about why he decided to come down here. What did he mean to accomplish when his mouth felt dry every time he tried to talk. The Veela walked over to him and he could tell that she was very much pregnant.

"She won't bite. I promise." Fleur joked as she grabbed his hand from Ginny and placed his hand on her stomach. "It might a minute. She iz very shy sometimes."

But it didn't take a minute. It didn't even take a full thirty seconds before he felt several harsh movements under his palm. George's eyes widen as he saw his hand be pushed upwards from the stomach.

"She likes you very much." Fleur complimented before waddling back over to Bill.

" _Wicked_." The small barely audible sound slipped from his lips, but his was enough to give everyone hope.


	5. trios

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We cannot choose the things that will happen to us  
> But we can choose the attitude we want to take  
> -Broken by Lund
> 
> tw: panic attacks

It was the middle of January when George finally went back to his shop. It was like watching a baby learn to crawl and then finally walk. There was moments when he would fall and the set back could last up for a week, but he always came back.

On the outside he was healing. His body was becoming fuller. Molly had him sit in the kitchen and gave him a haircut, but on the inside he felt the same.

His mind allowed his body to work, but it never fully registered what it was doing. George followed his siblings blindly. He ate as though it was a chore. Each bite the same size. He chewed the same amount and swallowed with the same intensity.

He felt cold and his body felt heavy. His nights were sleepless. The time he did sleep he would wake up in a cold sweat. His jaw hurting from the silent screams he would release.

And now he stood in front of the many things that haunted him.

He numbly watched the mechanically hat move up and down. One of his own ideas. He remembered Fred and him standing outside their shop on opening day.

_"Can't believe we did it Gred." The summer wind felt nice along the back of George's neck. The ribbon cutting ceremony was just about to begin and it wouldn't be long until their family showed up._

_"We really did." The two twins stood in front of their store. Pride radiating off of them. Both full of ideas and dreams for their future._

But now George stood alone. The store still lit up and he could hear the whizzing of products coming from the inside, but it all felt too haunting. Like a dream right before it turned into a nightmare.

He felt something slip into his right hand and his eyes dropped to find Ginny's. George felt her squeeze it before she gave it a small tug towards his shop.

Ginny slowly became George's anchor. He felt the strong need to prove to her that he was okay even if he wasn't. He often stared at her face wondering if the wrinkles were from worrying about him instead of laughter.

The ringing echoed throughout his store as they entered. George looked around the store and noticed how the only thing that was different was the empty places from sold products.

_"Can't believe we sold out on the first day." Fred said as he pat down his suit._

_"It was a wild first day for sure." George said as he glanced up from the cash register. His twin's eyes twinkled as they scanned the empty selves. "We need to triple the amount of products we make if we want to ever have a day off."_

_"You got that right." The other said as he walked behind the desk. "Think you fancy a fun night in the muggle world? Can't exactly celebrate with everything going on here, but 'Mione talked about a club nearby when I asked."_

_"Of course Forge, we deserve to celebrate."_

"I can stay if you want me too. I can always apparate back to mine and Harry's before practice." The worry was lanced in the sentence that came out of Ginny's mouth.

"No, I'll be okay. You need a good night's rest." He felt in pain as he forced the words out. They held no emotion and were monotoned.

From the inside he was begging for her to stay. He wanted to turn around leave the store and go back to his mum's. But then his mother's face popped into his mind. The look on Molly's face when Ginny told everyone that he decided to go back to the shop was pure happiness.

He could feel her hesitate so he took his hand and nodded his head towards the door, "I'll be fine. I promise. See you at lunch?"

Ginny hesitated as she made her way to the door. The way that George just stood like he was an outsider in his own store made an uneasy feeling come over her. But she trusted him.

"Okay I'll see you tomorrow. Love you." The door was half opened and she waited for a response but when there was none she decided it would be best to leave.

Once the soft click of the door echoed throughout the empty store. The cold feeling of being alone washed over him.

It started off as a long hum throughout his body. Even though the store went completely silent and still everything felt like it was going at a lightning pace. He slowly started to walk, but each step felt as if he was running; his surroundings flying past him. George tightly closed his eyes and tried to control his breathing but no matter how long he waited in between breaths; it felt like he was breathing too fast. 

His chest heaved rapidly and the humming through his body started to echo in his ears. He brought his hands up to his face. His head was throbbing and the sound wouldn't go away. When he finally opened his eyes everything felt ten times worse.

It felt like the store was closing in on him, but at the same time everything felt so far away. He needed to move; to get out of here. George started to move faster. He needed to be in his bed where it was safe and quiet. It the midst of it all, he forgotten the trick step they installed to show off one of their pranks.

George couldn't move from the step. The bright fireworks and loud bang pushed his senses over. He felt blinded from the brightness and his eyes still mimicked them behind his closed lids. His whole body started to vibrate and the only thing he could do was fall to his knees.

As the lights fade, the worse he got. The pressure that usually tied him down to his bed hit me and didn't let up. He couldn't move, he could barely even breathe. George tried to count and every three seconds he would try to hold his breath to help control, but his head was screaming for air.

His hands were shaking everything seemed to be going by so fast and everything was so bright. It wasn't until he felt a tear fall on his leg that he knew he was crying.

And that was miserable. He felt weak as his breathing increased. He felt weak as his palms dug into his thighs as if to psychically get a grip onto reality. He felt weak when he continued to cry even though his tear ducts should of ran out by now.

He needed out of the store. He needed to get away.


	6. quatre

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I tell my love to wreck it all  
> Cut out all the ropes and let me fall  
> -Skinny Love by Bon Iver
> 
> tw: depression, drug use, & alcohol use

The weather matched George's mood. The ran was ice cold and it felt like tiny knives every time one landed on uncovered skin. The beat up converse he wore did nothing as he stepped into puddles. The thin jacket was used to protect from light wind not the harsh weather that he was walking through now. He could of apparated to where he was going, but he liked the feeling of the rain. At least he could still feel cold.

George made his way through the familiar brick wall that separated his world from theirs. The bar was quiet; the only ones there was those who have taken a room for the night. Or those drowning out their sorrows. He nodded at the new bartender who was currently cleaning dishes.

Tom was buried at the Second Wizarding War Memorial with a few other owners who fought back when the Deatheaters took over Diagon Alley.

George visually flinched at the memory.

The smell of firewhiskey left his senses as he stepped out into the empty streets of London. It felt as though an emotional weight left his shoulders as he continued his way down the muggle sidewalk. The invisible cloud that hung over the wizarding world did not exist in the muggle world. They didn't witness that war that he did. The constant running and hiding, the days without meals, watching a friend die as you tell them everything will be fine.

The muggle world was protected from the worse of it.

George shoved his hands deeper in his pockets. They itched to be clean as if the blood still stained his hands after almost a year later. He took in a deep breath of air and closed his eyes. As he exhaled, he tried to imagine the good memories. The ones where Fred, Lee, and him would huntch over in tears as they laughed during their segment of PotterWatch.

"It's a good day for the light ." Fred's voice boomed over the radio.

"Oh yes indeed. Insider has said that the Hogwarts has been fighting back." Lee finished. The glee could be heard in their voice.

"Ah, poor Snivellus really is having his hands full this year." George continued, "Keep fighting back. The end is coming close. We can feel it."

Those were one of the best memories he had while on the run. The three tried to stick together as long as they could, but somehow Lee got taken. For months Fred and George grieved as though they lost a friend, but on one night they heard him. His laugh filled up the small shack they hid in.

"They thought they had me." His laughter seeped through every word. "If Noseless had any brain cells, he would fire the snatchers he had now and hire Filch. Now that is a man that knows how to catch people and keep them contained."

That night him and his brother cried as they laughed; relishing in the fact that they would meet their friend again.

George's feet stopped as his muscle memory registered that he was here. As he looked up he read the dark letters that lit up the word, 'Surrender'.

Fred's arm slung over George's shoulders as they stared up at the lit sign. "Surrender?" He asked, "Don't mind if we do."

George laughed at his twin's lame joke, but nonetheless followed him into the club and went straight to the bar.

The lights that lit up the club's name seemed dimmer than before. It fit.

The line was short and the bouncer didn't question him as he let George in. Then again the night was still young. The bright lights that went across the floor and then flashed to different colors took a minute for his eyes to adjust too. It was full for a Wednesday night. The floor was still full of dancing people and the booths on the sides sat groups drinking together.

He took a seat on one of the bar stools at sat close to the exit. The bartender looked busy as they placed shot after shot onto the table. When they finally made it over to him, George was able to get a good look of them; the strobes of lights shining on their face.

"What can I get ya?" His eyes drifted to their hair. A habit he started to do so no one could ever she how truly hurt he was through his eyes. If he saw any emotions in their eyes he would break.

So he concentrated on the several braided strains of hair. Fred loved Angelina's hair braided.

"Why does it matter what I am doing with my hair, Fred?" Angelina asked as she turned around with her arms crossed. George took a step back away from the couple. One side effect of being a twin is that you always get dragged in.

"Because I like them in the braids." His hands went up to run through her hair. George waited for Angelina to swipe them away, "When they are like this, I can see your eyes so much better. You have such beautiful eyes." George wanted to vomit; at the moment he wished that he went with Lee back to the common room.

"Sweetie, what are you wanting?" The calm voice of the bartender woke him from flashback. Wonder how Angie is doing?

"Sorry." He apologized before scanning the drinks that were listed on the board. "Can I just get something strong?"

George watched the bartender as they went and made something he would barely understand if they told him step by step. Firewhiskey was the only thing he knew.

"Here you go, darling." They placed a purple looking drink in front of him. He didn't know if it was purple from the lights or from whatever concoction they made. 

"This. This is something else. I mean Tom is doing great with the little pub he got going on but the wizarding world really needs to take some notes." The twins stood in awe at the flashing lights and music that had the floor beneath them vibrating.

"Maybe a next investment." George joked as he watched the bodies dance along the dance floor. 

"Well we came here to celebrate, so let's get started shall we?"

"You doing alright, hun?" The bartender leaned over the counter and dragged George's eyes from his drink to them. 

"Yeah." His response wasn't believable and the bartender saw through it. 

"Waiting for someone?"

"No just me."

"You don't talk a lot do you?" No, in fact George hadn't held any deep conversation in almost a year. 

He took the straw and twirled it into his glass and watched as the ice shifted through the colored drink. "Not really." George answered as he took a sip. The slight fruity taste went down his throat and if it wasn't for the small tang he would have sworn they didn't give him any actual alcohol. 

"Gave you my favorite drink there. I'm not a big fan of tasting any alcohol, but I am fan of the after effects it has." They said sending him a wink his way, "Maggie by the way." Their hand outstretched over the small counter that separated them.

"George." Their hand shake was short and his hand soon retracted back into his coat pocket as the other still played with the straw. 

The flash of red hair past his perpetual and George had to double back as a red head stumbled against the empty bar stool beside him a blonde girl trailing behind him. "Hey Mags, give us another round, yeah?" The two looked as though they didn't need the extra round nor that they would be able to hold it if they got it. 

"You don't need another round Leo. You haven't even paid for the last five yet." He could hear the laughter that was hidden behind their voice. 

"C'mon Maggie, don't you love me?" He felt out of place again. George pulled his drink closer to him and occasionally took sips letting the fruity taste warm his body up. 

"You don't come here." The blonde said as she made her way around pushing the red head into the stool as he argued with Maggie. Something about her made him uncomfortable. Her eyes pierced through his skin and he felt like a beetle being chopped up for a potion. "Did you just move to the area?" Her question came out airy and careful compared to the heavy judgment as the first. 

Uh-I guess you could say that." He lied. "Needed a break from work." 

"Oh Staci! You got him to talk." Maggie, the bartender, switched from scolding the incoherent red-head to now listening to their conversation. His fingers itched to leave within the coat pocket he picked at the skin along his fingernails. He couldn't keep this up. He's not as good by himself at coming up with tricks and lies. 

"Well you see ladies my brother and I are inventors." George bragged, a girl he just met under his arm and hanging on to everything he said. 

"Really? What is it you make?" He could smell the drinks they shared coming from her lips and his eyes twinkled from the emotions that rushed through him as he took another shot. 

"Magic tricks." Fred intervened as he took the shot from her hand and knocked it back. "Good ones too."

Breathe. He could feel Maggie's eyes on him as they analyzed his face and he could see from theirs that they saw him switch.

"Obviously, I can make anyone talk. I'm not a communication major for no reason." The blonde, Staci, rolled her eyes and pushed Leo's hand off the counter to squeeze her way into the seat. "Anyways have you seen Xavier? He went out to smoke and I haven't seen him since. "

He watched the group of friends mingle together. How Maggie past the alcohol mixture back and forth in their hands and dumping the contents into a glass while never breaking eye contact. How Leo's hand never strayed down lower than Staci's stomach and his chin didn't move anyway but where it was placed on her shoulder. How Staci would occasionally glance back and look for their lost friend before turning back and continuing the conversation. 

He felt out of place throwing in a nod here and there as they would sometime turn to him for his opinion on a subject. He needed out.

"Excuse me I need to go the restroom." He placed money down next to his empty glass and got up from his seat.

"The bathroom is in the back left corner." Maggie directed as they pointed to a neon sign that said 'restrooms'. 

George nodded a thanks and shoved his hands into his pocket. He took the long way around, not wanting to push past the sweaty bodies that filled up the dance floor. Near the walls of the club it was a lot darker that the rest of the colorful lit up floor. A few bodies lined up against it, mainly couples making out or just eyeing the dance floor. 

He shoved his hands further if possible into his pockets, George felt alone. The feeling never left him when he made is way into the Surrender but it was pushed back into his mind while he watched those people in their conversation. George didn't more to drink. The feeling of his emotions heightening from the one drink he did have wasn't enough to drown them out the ones he begged silently to go away.

His elbows pushed past the bodies that blocked the restroom. The vaguely familiar door still had the red chipped paint that showed the lime green underneath it. 

Fred's body collided into his side, his brother wrapped his arm around George's shoulders. "Where have you been?" George asked his throat sore from the intake of drinks he have had throughout the night. 

"Bathroom." Fred answered stepping in front of him and to start dancing. George tilted his head a bit as his twin threw his hands up in the air feeling the music. 

"For that long?"

"Georgie-kins, I never said that I was using the bathroom just that I was in there."

The memory brought a faint smile on the red head's face before it quickly dissolved into a more grim frown. He reached out and pushed the door open; the smell of vomit and bleach burned his nose. George went over to the sink, the mirror cracked and the porcelain was more of a yellow than an ivory. His hand went under the soap dispenser, but no soap came out. Nice. With a sigh, George turned the hot water on and waited for that to warm up only for cold water to be the only thing that came out. Double nice. 

After rinsing his hands, George looked into the cracked mirror. It felt symbolic really for once he was seeing himself as the way he felt. The cracks lined perfectly across his face giving him the illusion that he was psychically broken. His eyes locked in with his own and he enjoyed seeing this. The anger of looking okay on the outside knowing that his insides where slowly ripping him apart. Having to pretend that he was okay while he suffered and cried in silence. It was peaceful. 

The door banging against the wall as it opened broke George out of his trance. His head snapped towards the door as a taller male walked through. His eyes caught George's his eyebrow rose as he moved towards George. George didn't move. 

It was something indescribable as cliche as it sounded that made George's eyes not move from him. It was an attraction of some sort, he couldn't explain what it was exactly, but his mind felt empty. It was the deep cough that erupted from the stranger when George finally realized that he stared for too long. 

"Sorry." He muttered out and pushed past the stranger. 

By the time he made it back to the bar, Maggie no longer stood behind the counter, but now taken the seat beside his. With ease he took his sit back and spotted another drink in front of him the same as the one before. 

"Thought you might want a second one." Maggie answered before pulling out sanitizer from their pocket. "Also here. I know for certain Remington hasn't switched out the soap dispenser for a month." 

He gladly took the small container and squeezed some on his hands before returning. He rubbed his hands together letting the sanitizer to rub in. His brown eyes watched as the small beads disappeared into his skin as the smell of strawberries erased the vomit-bleached smell of the bathroom. 

"Thank you." George said once his finished cleaning his hands. He grabbed his second drink and brought it up to his lips with less hesitation than his first. The liquid felt smooth this time and he closed his eyes waiting for the familiar feeling to elope him. The freedom from his own mind was coming. 

"There he is. Thought you died." Leo's voice boomed over the conversation Staci and Maggie were having across him. George turned his head to see who they were talking to, once his eyes saw the familiar dark-washed gray top that had the familiar rip along the sleeve he knew. 

Their eyes locks once again this time the other allowed a smirk to grace his face and George quickly turned his head back around finding his drink more interesting. 

"Where the hell have you been, Xavier?" He could still feel his eyes still on his back even though Staci had his attention. 

"Out back like I said." George sipped his drink. The sound of his voice was deep. The feeling that George was excited to welcome with open arms was now in effect. However the freedom he wanted didn't occur instead his mind swarmed over the ideas about the male.

"For that long?" This felt too familiar. 

"I didn't say that I went out back just to smoke." George's breathing caught in-between his lungs. At Xavier's words he could see the memory that not even a hour ago crossed his mind. 

"I have to go."

**Author's Note:**

> Spotify Playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1XRqUDxkffAT0zCFUc3jF9?si=ThfIfCjRQ1-QIN23ay4A5g


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